New Years Thoughts and Feelings

I’m peeling away the layers of my heart. I’m afraid that by the time I’m 50 my soul will be bald. I will be exposed to the world like I never was before. Time is like a path stretching both in front and behind us into darkness. We leave shavings of our soul behind us like a bread-crumb trail. However, we can only see so far behind before we forget where it leads, and in front of us is almost immediate darkness. Life is, basically, carried out in the dark.

            And every year that passes is just another grating to the soul. Little flakes, or in some instances, chunks, being left in that darkness to remind us that we started somewhere. But what is my fear about the New Year? I feel like I have dandruff of the soul, to put it simply.

            The more defining the moment, the bigger the piece left behind; The bigger the reminder in your brain that it happened. And a reminder of what? That that moment you are never getting back, will never be rewound, will never be forgotten. So far, there have been too many moments like this, and I wonder if this year, or in the next few years, I will look in my mental mirror and see nothing left. Is that even possible? Can a soul be reduced to nothing? Do we even have souls, or is it just the name I’m giving to the thoughtful, emotional side of me.

            It can’t be too irrational for me to dislike the New Year. It’s an exciting time for the opportunist in me who thinks “maybe everything will be different this year”, yet the other half leaks anxiety about “what will be different this year” because so far life has just been a domino effect of bad news. So, I’m still not sure if it rational, but it is definitely understandable that I have mixed feelings.

            Also, I don’t think I’m the only one. I’m sure plenty of people feel a bit of anxiety at the coming New Year. No one likes a deadline, and the presence of the New Year itself often encourages people to tie up loose ends whether it is necessary or not.

            Often, when this time of year comes around, I think of where I was in past years: what was going on in my life, whom I was and wasn’t friends with, where I was, what I was interested in, and so on and so forth. So far there has only been one consistent factor carrying on through all 15 years of my life- change. And, I guess, that’s where we find our problem. In the end I am utterly and inexplicably terrified of change.

            At this point I try to think, I love change, what am I talking about…but I’m just trying to fool myself. I know damn well what I’m talking about. It’s not just any change, but change that’s out of my control. I guess my life has been so out of control that I reach for anything within my control…whether it’s changing my room around, dominating the conversation, changing my hairstyle, or other small things that I control. So, I guess in the end I have a control problem? It doesn’t seem so bad, though when you put it against the background. It’s just my way of coping, I guess, and at least I’m aware of it.

Well, goodnight, followers. If you actually read through this, you read through Alee’s reasoning process and narrowing down her thoughts and emotions to reveal the bare truth of it. It actually feels nice to get this off my chest and I’m glad I’ve sorted through it. I know this should probably go on a diary and not on public display, but, I don’t think I mind shouting it out to the world. J

Strange Stars

So, I've decided to show all three of my followers how to make paper stars! This is fun and easy to make. They, also would make a great Christmas present. Just fill a jar with these little stars and a loved one will have plenty of wishes for the rest of the year. Now, let's learn how to make them in 8, simple steps!!

Step 1:

Collect the following supplies: Paper (wrapping paper or normal), scissors, and a ruler!

Step 2:

Measure out a width of 1 cm and a length of 20-25cm and cut out a strip of paper. 

Step 3:

Wrap one end of the strip around as if you were making a cancer bow. 

Step 4:

Now, fold that little tail end underneath and through the hole in a not (but make sure that the top that you're folding through is small).

 

Step 5:

Fold the tail behind the shape...notice that it's becoming a pentagon!

Step 6:

Next is confusing, so pay close attention to the pictures! You are going to fold the long tail (not the short one you just folded back) around the pentagon...but not just any folding. Fold it along the edges of the pentagon, so that you are following it's shape. Study the pictures carefully.

Step 7:

  Once your strip has become too short to fold, you are going to fold it underneath the easiest strip of folded paper to reach. It should fit snugly and perfectly If any sticks out, but it with your scissors.

Step 8:

Now, you will need two hands to do this...squeeze each point with your index finger and thumb until the star starts to "poof" out. I couldn't exactly show it in the picture, but hopefully you get the gist.

 

And VOILA!! You have a STAR!

Speaking of stars, this Monday Night (technically, Tuesday), the Winter Solstice, December 21st, you will have the chance to witness a total lunar eclipse! This will be your only chance to see one if you are living in the central time one like me until 2014!! A Lunar Eclipse is seen by everyone at the same time. People all across the United States, South America, portions of Eastern and Western Europe, and even in East Asia will be able to see it Monday night. I think it's spectacular to think that people from all corners of the globe will be watching the same beautiful phenomenon with the same wonder, just different times on their clock. In a way, it's a unifying occurrence.

There are three types of Lunar Eclipses: Penumbral, Partial, and Total. A Complete Lunar Eclipse happens when the full moon passes across the Earth's umbral shadow. This means that the earth is directly between the Sun and the Moon. During a Lunar Eclipse, some of the light from the Sun is strained through the earth's atmosphere. This causes the atmosphere to act like a "lens", allowing for the moon to appear red. So, for all you photographers out there, this is good stuff!

For the Total Lunar Eclipse viewers in the central time zone, the eclipse starts at 1:41am and ends at 2:53 am.  Below the moon during totality, the constellation Orion the Hunter, will also appear in the winter sky. These will appear as 4 stars making up the "hunter" and 3 stars making up the "belt". Above Orion will be Taurus, the Bull, and below and to the left of Orion will be the brightest star, Sirius. In the evening, earlier on in the night, if you look hard you may see a large, silvery "star" with no twinkle, and that's the good ole planet Jupiter! 

There are lots of things happening this Winter Solstice, so keep your eyes open and don't miss them! Happy Holidays!

Strange Poems

So, I don't want to go without posting anything, so today I will just post some random snippets of poetry that I just wrote that I don't know what to do with. I can't really see any of them continuing to be something greater, to be honest, but at least I'm writing something. So, there you go. Poetry. Oh god, If you're actually reading this, you may want to just close your eyes. I am a teenager, after all.

An ache that I no longer remember

Integrated into the sleep-eat schedule of life

Something is missing

But it’s been so long that I have forgotten

***

Wake up to a memory

A feeling that you once had

Shake your head and you discard it

“No, I was never that happy”

***

Like the empty spaces of my mind

Erased, snubbed, and lost

Figuring out was true and what was false

****

Deeper into a pool that

You should have never dived in

Do you know how to swim in dark oil?

Will you ever breath in air again?

***

I just want a taste

Of some of that sunshine

Crave that light leaking

From every crevice of your being

Stars hiding away in midnight eyes

Following those twinkling orbs

To somewhere that feels like home

******

If you survived that, then congratulations! I forgot to tell you that I found a new bookstore. It's at Cummin's Station in Downtown Nashville (across from the Frist Museum). I think it's just called Books (that's what in the front window). My dad is friends with the owner, and it's basically the best bookstore I have ever stumbled upon. It is full of bookshelves that reach to the ceiling with books haphazardly stacked. There are several small nooks to get lost in and be by yourself with just you and a great book. Speaking of good books, I bought a book called "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. I've heard many great things about it from friends and once I am done reading it I may post a little review up. :) 

Tomorrow I have AP World and Geometry exams (oh, joy), and may take my Chemistry exam after school. We'll see how that goes...wish me luck!

Gingerbread Cupckes

We had another snow day today. This means that my 5th (English), 6th (Chemistry), and 7th (Orchestra) exams will be delayed til after break. Tomorrow I have my Spanish and Art exams. These are relatively easy ones, thankfully. Art itself is a cinch, and Spanish I won't get a good grade on even if I study for the whole break. So what do I do with my day? I make cupcakes. 

Gingerbread Star mini muffin

Gingerbread "Reese's" Muffins

Gingerbread "Reese's" Muffins

Gingerbread Star, Square, and "Reese's" Muffins

I think I'll be making some drop cookies later as well as Super-Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies later today and I will also add some Lemon or Orange icing to the gingerbread muffins when I get to the store later today. Oh, and I almost burned my hands making these :*( REMEMBER TO WEAR OVEN MITTS. :P

Strange Snow

Today I woke up to winter wonderland and no school and no exams. My stress has actually lightened. These are good signs. Some of the snow is melting now, which means there may be school tomorrow, which is also good. I went out and took pictures this morning as well, so my day has been quite pleasant. Hopefully it stays this way...
I've realized that I'm not actually that great at writing blog posts. Most of the time I just end up sounding kind of stupid and awkward...so, to spare you, dear followers (who don't exist), I will post pictures today. :) I will be walking to the Frothy Monkey soon, so maybe I will post some pictures from my walk on the wat back, too. Enjoy your day!


A good morning to eat eggs.

 

Snow-covered cars


Pretty :)

I wish this was my house.

A nice tree silhouette.....

These roads are so ICY. :( It's so cold outside.


~Alee~

Weather is Strange

I only have 6% of battery left on my laptop, so I will write quickly. Today it snowed quite a bit. This is bittersweet. I have exams this week, so this means that school tomorrow is canceled, and therefore, the exam we will miss will be added on on Tuesday. This means three exams on Tuesday. (5% now). Maybe I should try to not stress out so much. I don't think it's good for my health. It's still snowing here and the wind is rattling my windows. It is so odd that (4% of battery) that it has even snowed in December. Usually, it doesn't snow here till late January. Apparently, it's warmer in New York than it is here. Strange indeed. A strange life. See, didn't I tell you? Well, I guess I'm running low on batteries....so...Good bye? Adios? Maybe next time I'll have more batteries on my computer so that I can write more (and better).